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The latest news from the New York Shock Exchange



Kobe Wants To Play In 2016 Olympics. I Wanna Date Lola Falana. PDF Print E-mail

ImageThe drama started early this season after ESPN ranked Kobe Bryant the 93rd best player in the L. Through six games Bryant is averaging about 17 points -- shooting 32% from the field and 21% from beyond the arc. No one should be surprised. With Shaq no longer around the carry the Lakers, Kobe is getting exposed. Now Bryant is politicking for a spot on the 2016 Olympic team -- exactly what you would expect from the NBA's 93rd best player:

Bryant said that he still wants to be part of the team that USA Basketball will send to the 2016 Rio de Janeiro Olympics ... Bryant helped the US win gold at the 2008 Beijing Games and 2012 London Games. "It would mean the world to me to be around those guys," Bryant said in an interview with The Associated Press. "I think to be able to have a chance to continue the relationship that I already have with most of those guys, talking and just kind of being around each other and understanding that this is it, it's just us being together, that would be fun."

That's cute. Now that we're talking about "wants ..." I wanna date Lola Falana. Just saying ...

 
Is Valeant CEO Mike Pearson In Trouble? PDF Print E-mail

ImageJust when you think the smoke has cleared at Valeant (NYSE:VRX) more drama emerges. Friday news surfaced that Goldman Sachs (NYSE:GS) sold 1.3 million shares ($100 million) of VRX that it was holding as collateral against a personal loan to Valeant CEO Mike Pearson. Goldman gave Pearson 48 hours to repay the loan after a sharp drop in the stock triggered a margin call:

"Since joining Valeant, I have not sold any shares provided to me as compensation, and it was not my desire that shares be sold now," Mr Pearson said. "I have complete confidence in Valeant's ability to move forward and continue meeting our commitments to patients, doctors, and shareholders."

The stock is down nearly 50% over the past month, and fell 14% in one day last Thursday to a 52 week low of $73.32.  Read more:

 
Bernie Sanders Trumps Hillary With Vow To Re-Instate Glass-Steagall PDF Print E-mail

ImageBernie Sanders may have just won the Democratic nominee and maybe even the presidency with his vow to re-instate Glass-Steagall. The Depression-era bill which separated commercial banks and investment banks. Designed to deter banks from betting their own capital, Glass-Steagall worked well for over 60 years. In the late '90s President Bill Clinton signed off on its repeal. A decade later the financial crisis occurred and investment banks received trillions in bailout money to shore up their balance sheets after losses from excessive risk-taking. Coincidentally, both Senators Elizabeth Warren and Sanders have a copy of my book, Shock Exchange: How Inner-City Kids From Brooklyn Predicted The Great Recession And The Pain Ahead, which recommends a return to Glass-Steagall. Sanders had the following to say after co-signing a bill led by Senator Elizabeth Warren to bring back Glass-Steagall:

 
Byron Scott Throws Shade At Emmanuel Mudiay PDF Print E-mail

ImageIn the worst draft move in recent memory, the Lakers passed on Duke's Jahlil Okafor and chose Ohio State's D'Angelo Russell with the second pick in the draft. I figured I would date Jayne Kennedy before that ever happened .. oh well. To add insult to injury, Lakers Coach Byron Scott recently threw shade at Denver's 7th pick, Emmanuel Mudiay, claiming, "He's no true point guard":

Scott said when the Lakers worked out Mudiay, "He didn't think he was a true point guard" and "didn't think he was a guy who made great decisions."

Emmanuel Mudiay should take heart. There's only one thing worse than being talked about ... and that's not being talked about. With the Lakers 0-3 and D'Angelo Russell averaging less than 10 points per game and shooting 37 per cent from the field, what else does Scott have to talk about?

 
Lakers Give Kobe Day Off After Throwing A "B*tch Fit! PDF Print E-mail

ImageAfter the Lakers inexplicably refused to draft  Jahlil Okafor I knew it would be a long season. Could you imagine what it would be like going, say 30-52, and having to put up with Kobe Bryant's complaining, and griping and throwing teammates under the bus? Well that's the situation the 0-2 Lakers are facing. Meanwhile, Kobe is averaging 17.3 points on 31.3% FG percentage, and 20.7% from behind the arc. After going 3 for 15 against the Mavericks, the Lakers gave Kobe a day off from practice because he was "really angry":

"I said, just stay away from the gym today," Scott said after the team's practice at their facility here. "Just spend some time with your kids and family and get basketball off your mind for 24 hours if you can -- which I don't think he can -- and then come in tomorrow fresh and we'll go from there."

Compared to other players of his era -- Paul Pierce, Vince Carter, A.I., Ray Allen -- Kobe has been the beneficiary of "exceptionally more talent than the rest of the L." With no Shaq or Pau Gasol/Andrew Bynum At The Same ___ Time to carry the Lakers, I have a feeling Kobe will be "angry" for a very long time.

 
Miami Beats Duke On 8-Lateral Kickoff Return For TD! PDF Print E-mail

Just when you thought college football couldn't get any crazier, Miami upends Duke on the final play which included eight laterals: 

 
Weatherford Gets Junked By Moody's PDF Print E-mail
 
INTERPRETATION: ESPN's Michael Smith Co-Signs Derek Fisher PDF Print E-mail

ImageThe talk of the NBA has been the tete-a-tete between Grizzlies forward Matt Barnes and Knicks coach Derek Fisher. After receiving a phone call that Fisher was over Barnes' house and was apparently dating his estranged wife, Gloria Govan, Barnes drove 95 miles to L.A. to split his wig. Here is ESPN's Michael Smith's take on the matter and the Shock Exchange's interpretation:

Smith: I don't watch Basketball Wives. I don't watch Real Husbands of City X ... 'My name's Bennett and I ain't in it' type of stuff. This is just so messy.

INTERPRETATION: Smith says up front that he has no dog in the fight, yet he's about to get involved. His use of the word "messy" appears like an attempt to connect with women viewers. It also connotes that women have given him props in the past for using words like "messy" or wearing pastel colors. Either way this type of "female-speak" totally threw me off.

 
Matt Barnes Splits Derrick Fisher's Wig For Dating His Ex-Wife PDF Print E-mail

ImageAnd just when you've thought you've heard it all ... the Internet has gone haywire with reports that Matt Barnes drove 95 miles to Los Angeles to split Derrick Fisher's wig after hearing Fisher was smashing Barnes' ex-wife. The two were former teammates with the Lakers and it's a pretty unspoken rule between guys that you don't get involved one another's exes:

New York Knicks coach Derek Fisher and Memphis Grizzlies forward Matt Barnes were involved in a physical altercation Saturday night in Los Angeles during a party at the home of Barnes' ex-wife, sources confirmed to ESPN.com on Wednesday.

When Barnes arrived at the home, he got physical with Fisher, sources said. But Fisher did not show any outward physical injuries when he returned to practice on Tuesday. Fisher told Knicks officials he had enjoyed spending time with his children over the weekend, sources said.

It's also unspoken that if you break the first rule you will catch the fade. Derrick Fisher caught the fade and the Shock Exchange loves to see guys get what's coming to them. 

 
Referee Blows Call At End Of Lions - Seahawks Game PDF Print E-mail

Down 10-13 with less than two minutes left in the game, Lions' QB Matthew Stafford hit Calvin Johnson across the middle and was about to truck a Seahawks defender for the go ahead score. In a clutch play -- totally Seahawks style -- Safety Cam Chancellor punched the ball out of Megatron's hands and into the end zone. Instead of attempting to recover the fumble, linebacker KJ Wright intentionally batted the ball out of bounds. The Seahawks took possession at their own 20 yard line and eventually ran out the clock.

However, the heady Seahawks-like play by KJ Wright turned out to be not so smart after all. It was later determined that if a player intentionally bats the ball out of the end zone, that is a penalty. The ball should have been given back to the Lions on the goal line. Lions coach Jim Caldwell's reaction was:

"What can you do ... We're not gonna cry about it that's for sure ... We just have to tee it up and go at it again." 

 
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