'Til you do right by me . . .

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

INTERPRETATION:  Lebron is the "bad guy" here.  What Lebron characterizes as a business decision makes him nothing more than a "deserter".

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his “decision” unlike anything ever “witnessed” in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

INTERPRETATION:  I am pissed. Not only did he break everybody's heart, but James made it even more dramatic, heart-wrenching by broadcasting his decision on national TV.  Even though Chris Broussard told us in advance that Bron was going to Miami, we still watched "The Decision" on ESPN.  How dare you make us stay up until 9pm to get our feelings hurt? You were supposed to announce your decision quietly like Kevin Durant did.  How dare you use your celebrity status to raise money for Boys & Girls Clubs across the country?  Local businesses will lose a lot of revenue and fans will feel an emotional loss.  However, Gilbert's franchise has gone from $500 million to at least half that.  Gilbert clearly has the most to lose but wants to make the fans feel like they are all in this together.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

INTERPRETATION:  Gilbert is trying to define "success" in the eyes of the fans.  The fans should not expect the team to win ... that is not the mark of success.  They should be merely happy that the Cavaliers remain loyal and "never betray you". 

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

INTERPRETATION:  Yeah right.

You simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal . . . You have given so much and deserve so much more.

INTERPRETATION:  This is one of the most common ploys in Corporate America . . . state a "fact" that noone can argue with and ensure that the "fact" in question, has nothing to do with the argument at hand.  Gilbert is attempting to take the fans' minds off of the obvious:  the Cavaliers are going to lose a lot of games, for a very long time.   

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

“I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE”

You can take it to the bank.

INTERPRETATION:  Another ploy borrowed from the Gilbert's "Corporate Handbook".  Corporate America is based on "image" and "appearances".  Here Gilbert gives the impression that he, as an owner, has the power to deliver a title.  And if he can convince enough people, then it becomes "truth".  "Hey, if I walk and talk like Red Auerback, then that makes me Red Auerbach".

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

INTERPRETATION:  Again, Gilbert states a fact that has nothing to do with Lebron leaving for Miami or the future of the Cavs.  C'mon, who would ever argue with this statement?  Yet, it has nothing to do with the discussion at hand.  He may as well have said "The sky is blue". 

The self-declared former “King” will be taking the “curse” with him down south. And until he does “right” by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

INTERPRETATION:  He consulted with Whoopi Goldberg on this section of the letter.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day… I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only: DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue….

INTERPRETATION:  Please keep buying season tickets and Cavaliers apparel so I won't lose anymore money than I already have.  We are working so hard to bring you a championship.  The fact that that day will never come is not important.  It's the journey that matters . . . not the results.